Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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