shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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