i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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