Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
