First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
