You made me cry and you don't even care
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
