i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
