According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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