I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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