Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
