final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
