Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
