There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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