we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
