You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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