this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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