I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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