It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
