Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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