i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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