census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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