lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
