About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
