We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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