Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
