I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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