Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Are my feet made of real feet?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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