The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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