so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
