I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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