Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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