so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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