Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
