Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
