She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
