READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
