im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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