So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
