she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
