a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize