this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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