Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
