i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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