I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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