Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize