Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
