I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
