if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
