this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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