We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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