I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
