You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
