Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
