he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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