So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
