Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
