i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
