she smelled like a LAN party
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
