I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
