Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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