you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
