Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
