I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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