Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
