True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
