I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
