I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize