I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sober January is a disaster.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
