I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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