he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
