Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
