God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
