how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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