my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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