she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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