I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
