can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
