We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
