How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
