your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
