The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
