We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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