Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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