Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no you cant smoke seaweed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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