she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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