does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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