Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
