anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize