Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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