I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
