i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
