You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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