some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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