Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
