Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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