It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
