This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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