I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize