I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
