I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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