just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she told me i tasted like america
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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