there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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