I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
