Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
