I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
