Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize