I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize