I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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