Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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