i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
