I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
