If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We left the knife in your bed.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
