I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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